It seems like all I have been doing lately is sorting, saving, and packing. We are in the process of moving and some of the spaces in the new place aren’t as big as our current place. This means doing the sorting that I have been ignoring. Ignoring the sort does not help it get finished, but the thought of deciding if we wanted to save, give or pack items seemed to loom over us daily.

People talk about the waves of grief, they talk about the pain of the loss and they talk about the sorrow and sadness that follows the death of someone or something. Most do not talk about the stuff and the process of sorting, saving, and packing, but everyone knows it will be something to face at some point in the grieving process. 

Well…I just recently finished the first pass of the great sort.

During this first pass, I found that my love had a collection of watches. I knew he had a few, but what a surprise when I gathered them all together and found that it was quite extensive. As Abby and I sorted through deciding which to save and which ones to give we talked about each one. She recounted watching Jason put them on and even the sound the metal ones made as the latch clicked securely on his wrist. She has vivid memories of him wearing each of these watches. These memories are something that she will hold dear and be reminded of every time she looks at the watches or wears them. These are even watches that she will be able to pass on to her kids one day and tell them all about her daddy. 

Jason also had a collection of knives. He loved finding ones that he did not have and loved watching “Forged in Fire” and dreaming of building his own forge one day to create and make his own knives. He had small pocket knives, he had bigger knives that you had to manually open, he had knives that you could push a button and the blade would flip up or shoot out. He had a machete and he had antique knives and always loved looking through them and finding the right one for the occasion when a knife was needed. Clearly my vocabulary gives away the fact that I know nothing technical about knives. I’m merely trying to describe the plethora of knives my love had collected! Yet again, Abby and I have memories of each one, where he bought them, where he used them, and even the family story behind them. These memories will stay with us forever. 

The final piece of the great sort was going through the dresser and closet full of clothes. If you were part of Jason’s memorial service chances are you heard about his “genius wardrobe” choices. He loved the color black. When he found a shirt or hoodie that worked and was in black he often bought multiple…like 5 to be exact. Why? So he could easily select clothes each day of the work week. My response: “Won’t people think you are wearing the same clothes every day?” To which he responded: “It worked for Steve Jobs, why not me?” How can someone argue with that? So, the great clothes sort ended with Abby and I making decisions on what was saved, stored, and donated. 

Reading the above paragraphs, I realize that I made the great stuff sort sound easy. It wasn’t. It took a couple of weeks and then a couple more weeks to even finally donate the items we had decided were ready for a new home. I often sat in my closet in silence wondering if it was the right time to do this, or even if I should pack it all up and store it for later. I decided that it was time for me to sort, save and donate his items. Maybe your timeline is different, perfect. Grief looks different on each person and each situation. 

Here is what I realized for me: I am walking out my grief journey and I should not compare my decisions to anyone else and their situation and choices. 

Here is what you need to realize: your grief journey is different from mine. Seek God and His path for your life. Do not compare or copy someone else. Be you. There is only one of you and God made you in His image! 

Finally, I realized we do not need watches, knives or even clothes to help us remember Jason. His memory is intertwined in our daily life. Memories of knowing him for 28+ years. Memories of high school, college, travel and growing up together. Memories of starting our life together and becoming adults. Memories of an amazing husband. Memories of how he loved me and made sure to tell me daily. Memories of how he sacrificed so I could have nice things and reach my personal and professional goals. Memories of raising Abby and the joy that she brings to our lives daily. He loved being a girl dad. He was good at being a girl dad, but he was just really good at being a dad because he loved his baby girl the way his Heavenly Father loved him. 

This is why we don’t need things to remember him. We can remember him by continuing to say his name. We can continue to intertwine his memory in our daily lives by telling stories. His legacy will continue for generations. 

Do you have a story about Jason? Or do you have a story about your loved one that you would like to share?  We would love to hear from you! Feel free to share in the comments or if you prefer, you can message me privately.