Often there are moments in life that shake you to the core. They make you rethink everything and even make you question certain beliefs. What do you do when you find yourself in moments like these? Do you hide? Do you sleep? Do you lean in to what you hold true? Do you ask the questions and talk it out with trusted people or qualified professionals?

Here is what I know. I leaned in. I questioned everything, I talked with trusted people and I even found a qualified professional that has been amazing. We have all heard the phrase that these moments can make you bitter or make you better, but I believe it goes deeper than just that cliche phrase. For Christians it is a core spiritual challenge. Are you going to continue to trust God and what He has promised in His word even if…? Or, are you going to blame God for what has happened and turn from Him? 

I can reflect on when I lost my dad 15 years ago and tell you that on the surface I was all fine and dandy, but deep down I was blaming God for not healing him. I felt as though He was not answering my prayers and the prayers of my family and friends. Then when, walking through everything with Jason, on the surface it appeared once again as though my prayers and the prayers of our family and friends were left unanswered. There have been countless other examples of friends and families walking through other situations where you could say on the surface it appeared that God was not answering prayers. But was He?

I can only speak to my situations of walking through the loss of my dad and my husband. In both situations both men were walking with God, they were confessing their healing, they both quoted scripture and said that they would “live and not die and declare the mighty works of the Lord”. But they died. Does that mean that they are no longer declaring the mighty works of the Lord? Does that mean that they are no longer living? No. The legacy and impact that they made on those around them ensures that they will continue to live. The people that they made an impact on and those that received Christ as a result of their life ensures that the mighty works of the Lord continue and outlast both of their earthly bodies. 

More than anything I would love to still have my daddy and Jason with me daily, but the reality of what their earthly bodies would have had to recover from would mean that they would not physically be able to be the person that they were before their illnesses ravaged their bodies. Then the toll that would have taken on them mentally and spiritually ensures that they would not have been the same active, fun loving, dad-joke telling men that loved me and others so well. So, God answered prayers. They both received the ultimate healing and are truly living in heaven. 

All of this to say, what do we do when we are faced with these moments that dare us to challenge our beliefs? Ask the questions, seek the Lord for the answers. You may not get a clear revelation, but what you will find is peace in the unknown of life after loss.

Recently, I have realized that while I am the same person, I am most certainly different. I recently reviewed some responses I gave to questions from the fall of 2020. As I was reading through I realized that I am not longer the person who wrote those responses, and yet I am. I can see that girl was confident, she was happy, she was in love. This is not the same person writing this post today. This girl today is confident, she is happy, and she will always be in love, but she is different. This girl today is confident that her Savior is there in every moment. This girl today knows that her Savior is always good and He is always faithful. This girl today is happy, because her needs are met, she has a community of strong people that support her, and a family that loves her. This girl is in love and will always be in love. She loves her husband even though he is no longer by her side, he will always hold a special place in her heart. 

I have also found a new joy in adventure. I used to be the planner, the play it safe kind of a person. Recently something has changed. I find that I a new excitement when I am planning or thinking about new adventures. As I type this I am on a plane to a destination that I haven’t visited for several years. Adventure is awaiting me and although I am traveling alone for the first time I find that I am nervously excited about what lies ahead. Isn’t that what life should be like? 

There is a song that talks about living like you were dying. Doing all the things and making the most of every moment. This is now my advice to people. Do all the things, say all the things, and make the most of every moment because you truly do not know when you will have those moments again. 

To my family and friends – hold on this year is going to be one for the books! It will be amazing and I pray that you all are ready. This play it safe planner will be doing things she has never done before. Will you go on an adventure with me? I hope so!