Aguante is a Spanish word that I have recently learned. Aguante, when translated, means strength, endurance, stamina, grit, and guts. 

Aguante is a word that beautifully encapsulates the journey I have been on for the last year. At any given time over this past year I have had to dig deep to find and/or display each of these. 

There have been countless times where I have felt ill equipped to fill the role as head of our household, I have felt ignorant about various areas dealing with the home and vehicles, and more than anything I have felt a tangible weakness as I navigate going through this life without my partner. 

You see as a stubborn, independent woman these new feelings are very disorienting to me. I’m not used to feeling weak, ignorant and ill equipped. I’m not used to it, nor am I good at asking for help. And yet over the last year I have found myself in situation after situation where I was being challenged to seek help. Plus, I have been challenged to put my “aguante” to the test more times than I can count. 

People often comment on how strong I am followed by the typical, “I could not imagine” or “I could not do it”. While that is a compliment to my “aguante”, what I want to say most of the time is, “Please do not spend your time imagining you and your family as the characters in my scenario” or “I pray you never have to walk this road I am currently walking”. But I don’t say those words, because I am not sure how people will respond to such blunt honesty. 

I truly never imagined I would ever be a widow before a more “acceptable” age, but here I am. At some point early in my grief I realized that I had two choices: curl up on the couch getting bitter and blaming God or get up, trust that His word is true, that He is faithful and move forward one painful step at a time. Well, if you are reading this blog you know which one I chose. I made this choice somewhat subconsciously at first. I am not a quitter and I do not give up, so clearly option 1 was a no-go. But I also chose option 2 because it ignited a faith, a boldness, and other qualities that had been lying dormant within me. It also was the best option to honor Jason and how he would have wanted me to live my daily life with or without him. So, I “aguante”! Most days it’s easy, but there are some days where the grief is heavy. Maybe you know those grief days very well. For me, these are the days where the emotions and heaviness of the situation seems to be like a boulder tied around my neck while I am walking through quicksand. Yet time after time in the deepest of my grief moments. My Jesus has met me, shouldered the burden and walked alongside me. He has shown His love for me though my community, my family, an unexplainable peace, and a seemingly unending supply of “aguante” just as it talks about in Isaiah 40:27-31.

“Israel, why then do you complain that the Lord doesn’t know your troubles or care if you suffer injustice? Don’t you know? Haven’t you heard? The Lord is the everlasting God; he created all the world. He never grows tired or weary. No one understands his thoughts. He strengthens those who are weak and tired. Even those who are young grow weak; young people can fall exhausted. But those who trust in the Lord for help will find their strength renewed. They will rise on wings like eagles; they will run and not get weary; they will walk and not grow weak.”

Today I want to challenge you to build up your “aguante”. Build up your faith. Build up your peace. Find areas in your life where you need to take the step toward your Jesus. Take time to read His word. Take time to pray. Take time to sit in silence and solitude and listen to what He has to say to you. 

Maybe you have heard His voice and you have an action step. Be bold. Be brave. Aguante up my friends, it is time to LiveStrong!