“A lot about livin’ & a little ‘bout love” is a line from an Alan Jackson song. It is actually a catchy tune if you have ever heard the song. But as I prepare to move once again (yes, you read that right) I cannot help but think about what I have written about this house. It has built me in more ways than one. But, as I have been packing, sorting and trashing items I have felt more emotional than I expected. I realized that leaving this home closes a chapter in my life that I wasn’t ready to close. Yet, it also opens the door to a new chapter that is full of unknown excitement and adventure.

You see, my baby bird has left the nest. She sprouted the most beautiful wings and is thriving on her own. She is learning what it means to have her own space and learning what it means to say that a “house built her” is an understatement. But where does that leave me? On my own for the first time in my life. Yes, you read that correctly. I have never lived on my own. So it is time to downsize and create my own nest, one that is built for 1. I am not quite sure my exact feelings on this, however, what I can say now is that this whole process is not what it should have looked like or felt like. Jason should be here. He should be doing all the dad things for our girl as she moved and as she is getting settled, and yet he is not here. He and I should be enjoying being empty nesters and embarking on our own adventures that we had planned out, and yet he is not here. 

This home that I have lived in this last year has taught me “A lot about livin & a little ‘bout love”. I have learned so much about living, not just in a home but truly living. Like embrace every day, trust that God is good no matter what life looks like kind of living. I have learned about caring for a space that stands alone. I have learned about caring for myself physically, mentally and spiritually. I have learned that I have a renewed purpose and calling on my life and made changes to fully chase after that which God is calling me to! Some of these lessons were easier than others, some of these lessons meant a new level of trust for me, and some of these lessons came straight from my Heavenly Father hidden behind beautiful eyes and smiles. I have learned to be vulnerable and let people into my innermost circle, trusting that as I gave them my heart, they will choose to take care of it like it was their own. 

The love I have learned about is multi-faceted. I learned to love myself. Like really love me. I am still working on this daily, but for the most part I know that I am a beautiful daughter of the King of Kings. He made me and that is more than enough. I choose to not question why, I choose to lean into what He has called and equipped me to do. I have learned so much about the love of my Heavenly Father. I am in awe daily at how creative He is and how intentional He is with me. For example, His name is the sound of breathing. So literally when you inhale and exhale you are speaking the name of God. YHWH. Think about that for a moment. Your first breath when you are born speaks His name just as much as when you breathe your last breath. Every breath in between speaks His name. When you experience joy, sorrow, fear and peace you speak His name. When you have all the words or even when you cannot speak you speak His name with every breath. 

In short I have learned and am still learning a lot about living. Living on my own, living as a widow, living through tragic loss, living as someone who is healing daily and leaning fully on her Heavenly Father. I have also learned a little ‘bout love. The love of my family, friends and community that has helped me make it to today. Most importantly the love of my Heavenly Father. I am learning more about life and love daily. It is a constant process of growth, stretching, joy and pain. But such is life.

So my friend, what are you learning about life and love?