Please take a moment to slowly read the scripture above. 

What a beautiful picture of how our Heavenly Father sees us. Not only is He our protector, provider, but He also sings over us with loud singing! Close your eyes and picture that for a moment: God singing over you loudly. When I imagine this I see the most pure and joy filled car scream sing session. You know the kind…it happens on those most perfect weather days where the windows are down and the sunroof is open and you have the open road ahead of you. I hope you were able to imagine what your Heavenly Father singing loudly over you would look like and maybe even feel like. 

I have often found that gratitude and true joy were things that evaded me in the early days of grief. Those early days were filled with so much grief brain and brain fog, extreme exhaustion from doing absolutely nothing, and just an overall feeling of being completely displaced. It was as if I went to sleep in a familiar and comfortable world and woke up in an absolute living hell. Reading this scripture reminded me of just how far He has helped me come in the last two and a half years. The grief brain and brain fog has lifted and I am able to think and process clearly. The extreme exhaustion was eventually replaced by rest, although sometimes a proper night of sleep is something that can evade me. Finally, that feeling of being completely displaced has been replaced by a sense of belonging. This sense of belonging has allowed me to get a glimpse of how my Heavenly Father sees me and I think for the first time truly understand the importance of knowing this information! Here is what I have learned: I am His daughter. I am a widow. I am chosen. I am called and equipped. I am strong because of Him. I have a purpose and He has placed me where I am today because of that purpose and calling! All of these truths do not dismiss or replace my grief, yet there is a beautiful tension between the grief and true gratitude and joy that exists in my daily life.

Grief and loss are heavy. They have a far reaching impact in your life that only those who have walked the road truly understand. For those who have lost a spouse it seems that the road is more challenging to navigate because our partner, our love and our person is not with us helping us navigate the journey that is unfolding before us. In my experience, Jason and I met and started dating in high school and then got married young. We grew up together. We navigated so many firsts and challenges together and during quarantine we had the time to finally sit and plan what we wanted the rest of our lives to look like as young empty nesters. Then, to use the words of another widow, the road exploded in front of me. What was once looking like a fun adventure ahead now looked like a future that was scary and completely unattainable on my own. But I was wrong. God was there in the midst of the debris. He walked with me and this is when Psalm 23 became real.

This is where Zephaniah 3:17 comes in…He was in my midst. He never left my side. He provided peace and comfort as I walked through the days I never expected to walk through as a 44 year old woman. He will save me. He did. On so many occasions He saved me, not only by making His presence known, but by sending people to be in my life that leaned in and made sure I kept putting one foot in front of the other. He rejoiced over me with gladness. He is the source of true joy, you know that deep joy that doesn’t just quickly fade away but the kind that sticks. He is the reason I can laugh. He is the reason I can be adventurous, He is the reason I can do all the things I never thought possible. He is the reason I smile. He will quiet me with His love. How beautiful is this picture, especially at this time of year. I imagine the most comfortable chair that I can sit in, drink coffee and just be quiet before Him. In doing this I feel His love. I can listen and hear all the things He wants to speak over me and take them to heart because I am quieted by His love. It is in this that I remember that He loves me no matter what I do. I cannot earn His love and He can never love me more or less than He already does because He is love. Finally, He will exalt over me with loud singing. He has so much He wants to say to me and say over me that He speaks and He sings. I am not sure I know how to express just what this means to me. But it brings me joy and makes me so thankful that I have my Heavenly Father with me on this journey into widowhood and a life beyond loss. 

Dear friend, this month is all about gratitude. I want to challenge you to find moments where you can express gratitude. It might be difficult at first and it may seem trivial, but start with being thankful for the food you have to eat or the coffee you drink. Be thankful for the roof over your head and the people (or pets)  under that roof. As you practice gratitude, I pray that you will find it easier to be grateful for bigger and more meaningful things. I pray that you will also be able to find God winks throughout your day that you can be grateful for as well. In time, you will find that your attitude will shift and you will have an easier time thinking about what it would look like and feel like to truly understand what it means to have your Heavenly Father singing over you.

As we go through this month of giving thanks and even throughout the rest of this holiday season I want to challenge you (and myself as well) to focus on two things: first, what you are grateful for and second, what has your Heavenly Father done in your life (recent or in the past). As you focus on these two things, I would also challenge you to write these things down so when you find yourself struggling to be grateful for something you can look back at all He has done in your life and it will help you shift your focus! Happy season of giving thanks everyone!