What is the “Christmas spirit”? Why does it seem everyone is supposed to have it? 

Now, I know what you are thinking…she must be the grinch in her family, and honestly the last couple of years you would probably be right. But this year feels different. This year I am actually excited for Christmas. This year has been easier to get excited to pick out gifts for the precious people in my life and I’m looking forward to wrapping said gifts and adding all the personal touches that make them unique and special. 

But why? Why is this year any different? Honestly I’m not sure. There isn’t some magic switch that flips on and off things like this. What I do know is the last two holiday seasons have been tough. During the last two years I have been trying to find my footing and learn how to celebrate after the loss of Jason. If I’m being transparent, the empty seat will always be evident especially during the holidays, I am sure this is the same for you regardless of who you are missing and grieving. Jason loved Christmas. He loved all the decorations, the lights, the food and of course all the celebrations.  Since he has been gone, the last couple of years have not felt right without him. The empty space has been overwhelming and it was painful to decorate and celebrate. Somehow we pushed through and did some new things and started different traditions. But, something has been different all throughout this year.  In 2023, I have learned more about who I am and what I want in my life. I have learned that God still has a purpose and a plan for my life. I have been reminded through even the tough days that He is good even when life isn’t and He is always faithful! I have also learned the value of remembering, honoring, and keeping Jason’s legacy at the forefront of discussions with my daughter and the people that loved him the most. Yet, I have also found a renewed value in continuing to live in the moment and making new memories every moment they have been presented to me. I have come to realize that living life, like truly living life, is what he would want for myself and Abby. So…I have been doing my best to seize every moment of every day. 

What are our plans this year? We will be with family…like all the family. We will celebrate. We will give the gifts and eat the food. Most importantly we will remember Jason in our conversations and in the celebrations because we carry a part of him everywhere we go. We will continue to honor and remember and yet move forward and experience all the new things as well. We will make new memories, we will meet new people and we will experience new things because moving forward is necessary. Getting stuck is not an option. 

When I think about moving forward I am reminded of Psalm 23. If you read the verses you will notice that the author uses words like leads, walk, and follow. Those words do not not evoke getting stuck or staying put. It starts with talking about the Lord making us lie down in green pastures, yet it is immediately followed by action steps. This chapter has been such a comfort to me through my grief journey. I feel like I share it with you all often, yet each time I read it I feel like my Heavenly Father shows me something new, a new perspective or even just the same thing but in a new season can mean something entirely different. So, please take a moment, or even a few moments and read through the passage. 

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” Psalm 23:1-6 ESV

What is your Heavenly Father showing you as you read through that passage? What do you hear Him saying to you? What does that word “restores” mean to you in this season? For me, the word “restores” means that my joy during this season has come alive again, or maybe you can call it the “Christmas Spirit”. It also means that throughout this year my hope has grown. The restoration process isn’t fast and sometimes I wonder if it is ever complete on this side of Heaven. But regardless of that fact I can say that while this life still isn’t perfect, nor does it look anything like 40 something year old Sam thought it would look like it is a very good life. My Heavenly Father is good. He is faithful. He restores. He leads me and I look forward with confident expectation for what He has planned for 2024 and beyond. The best is truly yet to come!