Which is better, to love or be loved? 

I have had this question rolling around in my head for a while now and I guess the answer depends on the filter applied to the question. Here are my thoughts. 

First, let’s look at it through an earthly perspective. Our culture and society have instilled in us a  “Hollywood” version of love. They have literally brainwashed us into believing that there are deep “foot popping” feelings that accompany this word. Yet, that is not true. To love someone is to say that you are there for them regardless of the state of mind or circumstance of the moment. To love someone is to agree to work through any hard moments or uncomfortable conversations. To love someone is to be there when they need you whether it is convenient or not. Inversely to be loved by someone is something very raw and vulnerable. It is opening yourself up to potential pain and suffering yet still hoping for the very best. It is being willing to meet in the middle when life throws hard moments your way. It is not giving someone the silent treatment when all you need to do is face the hard conversation and start talking. Allowing yourself to be loved by someone is to take off the mask you wear and show them your true self. It is not easy and often it ends in disaster, yet for the times it does not, it is so worth the effort!

Next, if the filter is that of a Heavenly perspective, it means you are wondering if it is better to love God or be loved by God. The answer is both. You cannot have one without the other because God is love. Period. We can only love Him because He first loved us. It could also be said that He cannot love us any more or any less than He does right now because He is love and that doesn’t change. Now think about those 3 little words: He is love. I am not sure what emotions that brings up in your body or spirit, but for me, it literally brings me to tears. Mainly because I think about how much I love my daughter, how much I love my family, and how much I love all the other important people in my life. I can only feel those feelings for those people because of my Heavenly Father. Because He is love, I can love others.

Finally, I want to ask you, probably a somewhat controversial question and one that I have a hard time answering myself. Do you love yourself? No, really think about that for a moment and be honest with yourself. Do you love yourself? If not, think about why. I know I have my reasons where I could say no sometimes, yet as I read the Bible I am reminded time after time that there are zero conditions to God’s love for me. Whether I am a sinner or a saint, He loves me just the same. How do I know? Because He sent His son to die for me and for everyone else. He made provision for us before we were even born. He sent His son to be the living sacrifice so we could be loved by Him and love Him in return. He sent His Son to be crucified, buried, and raised from the dead so we could have a relationship with Him today. That is how I know He loves me unconditionally. 

I know we often say we love people in our lives unconditionally, yet there is always something that gets in the way of that statement because we are human. We hold grudges, we get hurt, and we struggle to forgive but God does not. So, I want to challenge you (and myself as well) to think about this the next time you struggle with loving yourself. God created you. He intentionally created you with a specific blend of gifts and talents that are unique to just you. He placed you in this time for a purpose. He gifted you with your family, friends, coworkers, and community because just as much as you need them, they need what you have. You are not a mistake, nor were you some accident, regardless of what people in your life have told you. God loves you and He intended you to love Him and those around you well. Tell your people you love them. Say it often and make it known. So I want to ask you again, do you think it is better to love or be loved?  

Finally, I want to leave you with the “Love Chapter” out of the Amplified Version. Please take a few moments and not only read these scriptures but use them as a confession. Take them to heart and recognize that for us, love is work, not a feeling.

I Corinthians 13:1-13 – “If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love [for others growing out of God’s love for me], then I have become only a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal [just an annoying distraction]. And if I have the gift of prophecy [and speak a new message from God to the people], and understand all mysteries, and [possess] all knowledge; and if I have all [sufficient] faith so that I can remove mountains, but do not have love [reaching out to others], I am nothing. If I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it does me no good at all. Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. It does not rejoice at injustice but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail]. Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], and endures all things [without weakening]. Love never fails [it never fades nor ends]. But as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for the gift of special knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part [for our knowledge is fragmentary and incomplete]. But when that which is complete and perfect comes, that which is incomplete and partial will pass away. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now [in this time of imperfection] we see in a mirror dimly [a blurred reflection, a riddle, an enigma], but then [when the time of perfection comes we will see reality] face to face. Now I know in part [just in fragments], but then I will know fully, just as I have been fully known [by God].  And now there remain: faith [abiding trust in God and His promises], hope [confident expectation of eternal salvation], love [unselfish love for others growing out of God’s love for me], these three [the choicest graces]; but the greatest of these is love.”