Fall and the changing of the seasons is such a magical time. I love the cool, crisp air and all the smells that come along with people being outside more and just living life. In the area of town where I live, it is not uncommon to smell people firing up their grills for a barbecue, the burning of firewood, and even the occasional chimenea burning pinon wood. Ahh…take me outside right now!

Ok, I am now writing outside and that is so much better! When you really boil down the whole changing of seasons it is really just the shedding of what the previous seasons held to make room for what is coming next. This means that going from summer to fall brings a shedding of the vibrant greens and blooms of flowers to a new landscape of stunning reds, oranges, and yellows. Sidenote, my favorite trees are the ones that literally look like they are on fire. It also means that these colors are only around for a short time before the leaves begin to fall leaving the trees bare and ready for their winter hibernation, plus all those beautiful floral blooms have now withered away leaving just the evergreen shrubs to carry the landscaping duties in the flower beds. I remind you of all of this because it literally means that for nature, you cannot move to the next season without change. God designed us with this same rhythm in life. We cannot go from one season of life to the next without some kind of change. 

I love this because it means that our Heavenly Father is not only this creative creator of nature, but He designed us the same way! We must change to grow. We must shed what belongs in summer to experience all that fall has in store and the same goes with the rest of the seasons as well. Does this mean that we leave everything behind? No, but it does mean that we cannot and should not stay the same. Change is inevitable and can at times be painful. I think this is why most people do not like change and are so resistant to it! 

To be honest, I did not used to like change either. I liked things to stay the same because it seemed easier and I liked the predictability. However, I have since learned that change is necessary for growth. Plus, change is something that is expected as I have walked through becoming and being a widow. In the early days, the changes were jarring to not only my mind but my physical body as well. Grief and loss have a way of becoming an uninvited interruptor of life. It interferes with your sleep, your eating habits, your daily movements and so much more than people are usually willing to talk about with others. This is part of the reason I write and share about my journey. It is time we talked openly about this topic in a way that normalizes it and helps those walking this journey feel safe and normal as well!

Now, back to the topic of change, since Jason died I have realized I am the same stubborn and sassy woman I was when he was alive, and yet I am completely different. I look back at the pictures and I see a significant difference between the woman before July 2021 and the woman today. Her eyes tell a story that maybe only I can see because she is me. There is also a depth that I didn’t have before or at least one that I failed to tap into during that season of my life. There was something that changed in me the day he died, much like a switch being flipped. I understood on an almost cellular level that I could not stay the same and survive or really even thrive. This grit rose up within me when I realized that I had to learn a new set of skills to move forward. Skills that have and will no doubt continue to serve me well. Skills that required a shedding of my pride and my self-reliance. There was a time and a place for all of those things in Volume 1, but not in Volume 2. These new skills required me to ask for help, seek out godly counsel, adopt a new role I lovingly call “mother-father”, and step into a new confidence. I could not cling to the me of the past, not if I was going to learn, grow, and change in the ways my daughter needed me to and honestly, I needed to as well. In the past, I never really liked the passage out of Ecclesiastes that talked about seasons and change, but then I began to understand the need for seasons and change!

For everything, there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 ESV

I have a beautiful community of people around me to encourage me and challenge me to keep changing and growing. Do you? I have people in my life who are widows like me, strong, single women of faith like me, married women that I want to be again one day, and I have older friends and younger friends as well. All of these women and people make up a beautiful community. You cannot and should not surround yourself with only those who look and sound like you. You should have a diverse community. By establishing this you will have people that can point to your blindspots and help you to grow physically, mentally, and spiritually. All of these people should drive you closer to your Heavenly Father and challenge you to put that relationship above all others. 

I have been blessed by my community. I am so thankful for their support and encouragement throughout my life. They have helped me become this Volume 2 version of myself. This strong, stubborn, sassy widow who loves her Heavenly Father more today than yesterday and is very aware of the goodness He has bestowed upon her life. Again, I love fall and change, even though it is quite painful at times!

Friend, what season are you in? Where has God placed you? What has He asked of you today? Most importantly, what do you need to shed/change so you can walk confidently and boldly into your next season?