My story. I am a 40 something widow. I lost the love of my life in the summer of 2021 due to complications from COVID.

But my story is more than that last sentence. You see we met in high school, we were that couple. The rare couple that grows up together and after 28 years together we still were very much in love and planning for our future. We have a daughter who looks like me and yet is a beautiful blend of both of our personalities. He was a creative genius and a musician, I was the girl who played sports and can’t draw or play an instrument. He loved playing video games, and I loved watching any show about animals, veterinary procedures, and crime. What we both shared a love for was travel. We loved leaving our home and going on adventures. It was where we had time as a family or just the two of us. During the quarantine of 2020 we began watching various travel videos and began making plans for when we were empty nesters.

My grief journey began in 2007 when I lost my dad to cancer. It was a quick and aggressive battle. One that we as a family fought in prayer and faith for his healing. After that loss I had questions. Questions that I did not think or feel it appropriate to ask. So I did not ask. I did not process. As the oldest child, I felt a duty to take care of my family first and be emotional second…only I never was emotional. Once I faced the emotions I found peace and was able to ask the questions and process all the stuffed emotions. Looking back on our life growing up, my dad would be the first to tell you that he was the wretch from the old hymn “Amazing Grace“. His life was spared, time was redeemed, and he gave every moment to sharing his story to convert others. Now, I love sharing stories about my dad. His life, his sense of humor, his love of funny and slightly inappropriate greeting cards. Most importantly, I love sharing his testimony of how he ran toward God and never turned his back on Him again.

My next grief journey began in May of 2021, when my love went into the hospital because he was having difficulty maintaining his oxygen levels after being diagnosed with COVID. Actually all three of us had tested positive and were quarantining together. Because of his diagnosis he was admitted into isolation and our only form of communication was via text and the rare phone call due to his requiring an oxygen mask. He had been in isolation for about 10 days when they decided that he needed to be moved to the ICU for more attentive care and support. Two days after moving to the ICU he was placed on a ventilator. One month later, he breathed his last breath. There is so much more to this story. So many ways God showed up and showed off in the face of adversity, but you will hear more about that in the stories that follow. Some you may never hear unless you are in my closest circle of family and friends. There are even a few that I hold dear just to myself and my memories.

Never did I think I would gain the label of widow before being “old” or at least older than what I am now. But here we are. One thing I have discovered in my short journey into grief is that it is not normal for younger people to gain the title of widow. It is not normal to lose a spouse before you are “old”. More than that it is also not normal for people who have gained that title at a young age to talk about their journey or even for others to comfortably ask and talk to widows about their journey. My goal in sharing my story and the stories in this blog are to help normalize this conversation. To help those who have lost a spouse, a parent, a child, anyone who is close to them feel like what they are experiencing is normal, to want to talk to people is normal, to speak with a counselor is normal, and most importantly I want everyone to know that they are not alone in their grief journey.

This is my voice, my story, my experiences, and basically what God has put on my heart to share with you. So, sit back, relax, read, laugh, cry, comment, and share. I would love to hear your story too!