In honor of a month where the theme is love I felt it very appropriate to share with you about the ones I love and hold dear in my life. They have been and continue to be my incredible support system. My people, or rather, my circle has played an important role in my grief journey and dare I even say they have saved my life. So, without further ado, I would like to tell you more about my circle. 

There is a circle, one that is vitally important in every person’s life. It is not what that one Disney movie calls “ the circle of life”, but this circle is living and breathing. It is the circle of friends and family that you hold near and dear. Depending on your circle you may have a few or many or maybe just one, but regardless of the number these people are responsible for you making it to today and maybe they even encouraged you to read this post. These people care deeply for you and will move heaven and earth to ensure your well-being. 

One day I heard one of my people say, “I am so glad I found Jesus. I do not know where I would be without Him,” My first reaction was to say, “I feel the same way.” Then I stopped. I know where I would be. It is hard to say out loud let alone type it for anyone to read, but I know I would not be alive today without my Heavenly Father and my circle. If you don’t know me, you might think that statement is dark and hard to comprehend. If you do know me you might wonder what I mean, how I could say that or maybe even be wondering what event it was that would have caused me to make that type of decision. To be honest, there have been a couple over the course of my life…but God. It was in these moments I audibly heard His voice as He pursued me with a relentless passion and saved my life. Then, when I was doing everything I could to push Him away, He sent people. This is the main reason why I wanted to write about my circle and give you a glimpse into my people. They literally are responsible for me being able to be here today and be able to share with you the real life stories of this 40 something widow walking out her healing day by day. It wouldn’t be fair of me to only write about the good things or to put a shiny spin on the things that quite honestly suck. So ladies and gentlemen, meet my circle!

I am going to start with my immediate family. You have heard the statement, “It was the best of times and the worst of times”, well, that goes for family because they are there for it all! These people have been through fire with me, cried with me and we have also laughed at all the funny things and enjoyed happy moments together. My mom has been a rock for as long as I can remember. She is a descendant of a long line of strong, independent women that know how to own their space. Some may say that we are typical southern women who are stubborn or strong-willed, but I say we all just know how to be the ultimate “boss babe”. She is reliable and compassionate and there is no one else I would want in charge of praying over anything than my momma. She has displayed to me what it looks like to walk out widowhood with grace and how to rely on God’s strength in times of complete personal weakness. She raised two strong women to love God and love others. She is the Gigi to 5 amazing grandkids and she is the fierce protector of the family stories and legacy. She is always on the go and I am quite sure my sense of adventure and the love of road trips comes from her.  I am proud to be her daughter and I hope that one day I am half as good at life as she is! Next up is my “little” sister. She has style, she has grace, she has empathy and she is the “feeler” of the family. She was tough as nails on the basketball court but she is even tougher in real life! I am forever thankful we have always been on the same team. She swooped in and made sure I stayed hydrated and ate food in the early days when I could barely remember what day it was. She is creative and has always had some clever joke, story or poem for each person in her life. If you have ever been the recipient of a poem you know just how special you are! She is raising 3 boys to be men of God and training them to not bow to mainstream culture. These boys are growing into fine young men who are talented and can even shoot a free throw (IYKYK). She is also raising her own “boss babe”. She is a fierce warrior and at 7 years old she has her own opinions of the world and how it should work. She is a force to be reckoned with and will most definitely make an impact for the Kingdom with her story and her life! So, in short one day I would also love to be half the woman of God, mom and wife that my sister is everyday! She is my hero. Finally, my girl. My mini me and my little clone. She too is a fierce warrior. She radiates the joy of her daddy and her Heavenly Father and always seems to have that twinkle in her eye that makes you wonder what she is up to. She, like myself, my sister, my niece and my mom has the traits of a boss babe and she owns her space very well. She is secure in her relationship with God and she is a fighter for the Kingdom. She has my sass and attitude and yet her daddy’s wit and intelligence is woven tightly into every fiber of her being. Do not cross her or do her wrong. Do not talk bad about her to her face or behind her back. She will confront you with a holy vengeance and if necessary she will not only burn the bridge you are standing on but she will make sure that until you come back with a proper apology and actions to back it up or there will be no way a bridge can be rebuilt. I know I have said this before, but when I grow up I want to be like her. I want to have her courage, her ability to be lovingly blunt and just a fraction of her joy in the face of extreme adversity. I am not sure she knows how much I love her, although one day when she has her own children she will. My love for her is an inexplicable amount. Daily, she is my why and she is the only reason I kept going and have fought for my mental, spiritual and physical health everyday. 

Next up is my extended family. These people came from near and far to offer care and support. They are my family no matter if they are family by blood or by marriage. These precious people were there when I needed them. They helped me when I was navigating medical and life changing decisions and they were there when I desperately needed advice, prayer or even space to laugh and cry. They were there the day my world fell apart and they helped put pieces together for me in the early days and everyday since. They are there when I need a soft place to land, advice, help, a cousin day or even a bonus sister brunch. They are even there now when I need to chat or even a quick getaway and a change of scenery. These people make me laugh, like the deep soul laugh that you can feel is healing you from the inside. It pushes away the darkness and even if just for a moment makes the weight of grief feel nonexistent. I needed these people and I needed their prayers, love and support. In all honesty, I still need these people. They hold memories of Jason, of my daddy, and of our extended family members that have passed already. These memories that they hold are ones that I do not have but they are important ones that help preserve the legacy of our family. This is why having family in your circle is  important. Together we tell a collective story.  

The next members of my circle are the ones I have placed there by choice. These people have known me from elementary school, from my 20’s, my 30’s and even from less than a decade ago. These people had every opportunity to turn and walk away when it was hard and ugly and yet they have stayed. Believe me some of them have seen me at my absolute worst, yet they stayed. These people stayed when they didn’t know what to say and they have been there with a hug, a conversation, a meal, a road trip, a bucket list day and everyday and moment in-between. These people leaned in and have had the uncomfortable conversations and have gone out of their way to ensure that I continue doing the hard work so I do not get stuck. They have shown me love in my loveable and unlovable moments and for that I am forever grateful. These people have prayed for me, they have prayed with me, and most importantly they have given me the space to grieve in whatever way I needed. They have allowed me to say the things that maybe should not have been said out loud yet they listened and didn’t judge (although I am sure some of them were extremely worried for my spiritual and mental health at one time or another). Some of these people are closer than others yet they are all part of my circle. I know that if I called any of these people they would drop whatever they are doing to come help me. I know this, because they have already done this many times. I pray that I am able to add to their lives even a fraction as much as they have added to mine. 

A special group are my fellow widows. Some of these ladies fit into other groups but they deserve a shout out nonetheless. When you have walked a similar path as other women there is something easy and comforting that you can sit across from or next to another woman and just be yourself. They understand in ways that others do not what it feels like to lose your spouse, your best friend and the person who helps you get through daily life. Walking alongside these ladies gives me a glimpse of what others in my circle have walked me through. These ladies are tough. They have grit. More than anything they know what it means to walk through the valley and rely on their Heavenly Father for everything they need even if it is just getting up each morning. I treasure the time I spend with these ladies and every time I walk away refreshed, encouraged and challenged. These ladies display strength and grace in a way that I hope others see in me. To my widow friends, thank you for walking with me. 

The final group are my extras. Please do not let that label fool you. The extras are people that have waltzed in and either become a fixture in the circle or held a space for a moment when needed. The role of an extra is vitally important and ensures that the circle is strong and complete. I hold a place of deep regard and love for my extras. I know that I would not be here today without them but most importantly I know that God sent them into my circle for the time that they have held space or even are still holding space. If you have ever walked through grief you know how important these extra spaces are, it takes a special person to navigate this space and in the words of Kenny Rogers, “Know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away and know when to run.” The extra space is not a forever space. If the person ends up staying they typically move to a family space or the friend space to open the space for another extra. So you see…these spaces are just as important as the rest. These extras have brought joy, they have spoken honesty into my life, they have called out gifts and talents in me that I had never seen, and most importantly they never let me stay where I was comfortable but challenged me to boldly step out of my comfort zone. If you are reading this and you were or are an extra, thank you. Thank you for stepping into my life and not allowing me to settle for less than God’s best for me. 

I know this is a different post than what I normally write up, but I have talked a lot about “my people” and yet I have failed to describe just what they mean to me. Still with this I feel like I have only scratched the surface. I pray that each of them read this and even if they don’t I pray that they know just how important they are in my life.  I pray they know just how valuable and precious they are to me and how I treasure every moment I get to spend with them because I know time is fleeting. I pray that I have the opportunity to sow into their lives the kind of love, friendship, compassion and even honesty that they have sown into mine. I pray that they know they are loved and seen by me and by their Heavenly Father, even if we do not see each other everyday. 

Dear friend, I pray that you have a circle. I pray that you are blessed with at least one person who can advocate for you, who can pray with you and for you, and above all I pray that you have someone to stand next to you when you need someone to fight alongside you in the daily battles of life.