Unexpected joy. Is there anything better than these two words to describe happy times in the middle of loss and grief? I don’t think so! 

Lately, grief has felt weird in my daily life. For those of you who have never lost someone close, grief is not linear and does not arrive in stages. It is complicated and messy. Some days you feel good, some days are hard to navigate and explain feelings that bubble up out of nowhere. Then some days make you want to do nothing more than crawl back into bed and sleep the day away. Lately, I have experienced a mixture of these days. As I round the corner to the 4 year mark there are definitely more good days where hope and joy prevail. I know who holds my tomorrow yet the hard days still arrive. Despite this, I keep getting up. I may take a little longer to get ready but I am acutely aware that I need to engage with those in the world around me. Why? Because I need my people just as much as they need me. Grief and loss is a beautiful picture of John 16:33 AMP: 

“I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace. In the world, you have tribulation, distress, and suffering, but be courageous [be confident, be undaunted, be filled with joy]; I have overcome the world.” [My conquest is accomplished, My victory abiding.]”

This school year, I went back into the classroom after about a 4-year break. It has been fun, hard, and completely different than I expected it to be, in all the best ways. The people I show up for daily are 7th & 8th grade kids. They bring me unexpected joy wrapped in beautifully sassy and stinky packages! The lessons I have learned from them are priceless. These students are different from most I have taught over my 25 years in education. These kids need us to show up, even if it isn’t our best day, they need consistency. They need to see adults care about them and see them as valuable, precious, and people who have a purpose and a plan. Lately, they have been more vocal about making sure I know how much they want me to come back the next day or week. I am not sure most of them know how to verbally express feelings, but it usually comes out like this: “Please don’t die. We need you to come back tomorrow.” When I respond that I will be back, they come back with this: “For real, be careful, you are our absolute ‘G’ and we need you to come back tomorrow.” For the first time in my career, I am moved by these seemingly silly words that come out of their mouth. I am moved in an unexpected joy kind of way. Most see this age group as weird, awkward, and just overall strange. Most also are quick to say, “I could never teach that age!” But in reality, they are people just like you and I, that need to know that they are seen and belong. They may be stinky and weird, but God has a purpose and a plan for each of them. I treasure the quiet moments before they arrive. I pray over my room. I pray that I have opportunities to see them the way my Heavenly Father sees them. I pray for each seat and the student who sits in it throughout the day. I pray that they have peace, that they choose kindness, and that my room is a safe place for learning. 

On the flip side, my home is also a place of peace. It is my refuge and my getaway. I have fought hard over the last 3+ years to get it this way. In the early days, I did not want to be at home because it was empty and sad. The quiet moments were a constant reminder of what I had lost. This is why I filled my schedule and left little to no room for the quiet. I was quite literally afraid of quiet. However, in the middle of my avoidance, if I was truly honest, all I wanted was to stop and sit in the quiet. I wanted to rest, sleep, and recharge healthily. So I fought through the fear of quiet and in the process found unexpected joy in the quiet. The quiet is no longer terrifying. In fact, it is where I can hear my Heavenly Father’s voice the best. It is where I hear Him talk to me. It is where I can hear all He has to say about everything from guiding me in my next steps to what He wants me to write about. It is where I sit in worship, sit and listen, and even sit and watch football. All the above now brings me joy, which is unexpected for this extrovert!

Whether you have a classroom full of beautifully stinky kiddos, a quiet house that is your refuge, or something else entirely, you should have places and people that bring you unexpected joy. You should be able to see and hear from your Heavenly Father in different, yet tangible ways each day. 

“I have loved you just as the Father has loved Me; remain in My love [and do not doubt My love for you]. If you keep My commandments and obey My teaching, you will remain in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and remain in His love. I have told you these things so that My joy and delight may be in you, and that your joy may be made full and complete and overflowing.” John 15:9-11 AMP

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your graciousness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:4-7 CSB

Friend, what brings you unexpected joy? Where do you feel closest to your Heavenly Father and can hear His sweet voice the best? Go there. Be there. Receive your joy today!