^“I give thanks to my God for every remembrance of you, always praying with joy for all of you in my every prayer, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. I am sure of this, that he who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:3-6

This might seem like a strange way to start, but these verses have been in my heart for a while now. Some versions say, “I give thanks” and some say, “I count it as joy”; regardless, these verses always cause me to pause and think about who and what I count as joy and give thanks for daily. It is a beautiful picture to think about both the people in your life, as well as those who have completed their time here on earth. Count it ALL joy.

When I think on and take time to remember the 28 years Jason and I spent together, I count it all joy. It was one of my greatest accomplishments to walk beside him, grow both in our relationship with each other and our relationship with God, and to stand by his side as he fought for his life. All of those statements seem easy to say on this side of the events. Were all 28 years glorious and easy? No. Was growth fun and simple? No. Was walking out his last days easy? Not even close. But in each of those chapters, there was unexplainable peace and joy. Count it ALL joy.

Each year during his final 7 weeks, I take time to read through my journals from those hard days. Recently, I was asked why I do this and I had the opportunity to explain. I do this in an effort to understand the rhythms of grief. Your brain and body remember far more than you realize. I was also able to explain that I read through my journals because I want to remember the room, the nurses, and the version of me that only he could bring out. I want to reflect on the hard moments where I felt so alone, then God showed up in unexpected ways. More than anything, I want to be reminded of the gratefulness and joy that I experienced, even in loss and death. Count it ALL joy.

“Count it ALL joy” doesn’t mean just the good parts. It means the difficult and the easy. It means the seasons of lack and the seasons of plenty. It even means in life and death. As Christians we aren’t promised a life without grief and troubles, but we are promised peace. We are promised peace and joy, through Him and from Him, not without Him. Just as in John 16:33: “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” Count it ALL joy.

This marks 5 years since Jason’s death. Some parts are easier and some feel like it just happened. Grief doesn’t go away. I think in some ways grief echoes love. It whispers where love once resided and on the hard days that whisper grows into a loud voice. When he first passed away, I could not imagine getting to the 1 year mark, now here we are at 5. It hurts, and yet every day I have the opportunity to count it all joy. Here are some personal examples of how I have discovered joy in the midst of grief:

• I have discovered the joy of true, deep, and meaningful friendship.
• I have discovered the joy of learning new life skills…even using a chainsaw.
• I have discovered the joy of slowing down and being intentional with family.
• I have discovered the joy of viewing my Christmas tree year-round and it is not coming down anytime soon!
• I have discovered the joy of sharing my story with others.
• I have discovered the joy of travel. Alone or with others, there is just something enjoyable about getting away and exploring places that aren’t your home.
• I have discovered the joy of remembering a life well lived. Regardless of who I am taking time to remember, it is a joy to recall a life lived and the impact that person had on my life. 
• I have discovered the joy of home. 
• I have discovered the joy of gratitude.
• I have learned to count it ALL joy.

So today, I want to take a moment to remember him. He was my best friend and my husband. He was Abby’s father and the best girl dad. He was, in the words of my brother in law, a true creative, a faithful brother, a thoughtful friend, and an artist with a redemptively dark sense of humor. He was understated and always had a word, joke, or something comforting to say at just the right moment. He had lists of all the funny and cute things Abby said and she had one for all of his quotes and funny sayings. We miss him so much and we are doing our best to honor him by protecting his legacy. We love to talk about him and recall all of our favorite memories. Today, I am choosing to count it ALL joy! 

As you go throughout your day, please take time to slow down, be intentional, and more than anything, count it ALL joy!e words of my brother in law, a true creative, a faithful brother, a thoughtful friend, and an artist with a redemptively dark sense of humor. He was understated and always had a word, joke, or something comforting to say at just the right moment. He had lists of all the funny and cute things Abby said and she had one for all of his quotes and funny sayings. We miss him so much and we are doing our best to honor him by protecting his legacy. We love to talk about him and recall all of our favorite memories. Today, I am choosing to count it ALL joy! As you go throughout your day, please take time to slow down, be intentional, and more than anything take time to be thankful, show gratitude, and to count it all joy!